Before you become a mom, you imagine that motherhood is filled with a pretty balanced mix of hugs and cuddles to tantrums and poop up the back diapers. You think you have a good idea of the work involved and you probably think it's life just like the child-free days, but with little stinky noise-makers. But what you probably didn't notice - and no one took the time to tell you - is that you are never alone, ever. Ever.
Sometimes you may look alone -- for example, it's 9PM and my 4 little turds are tucked into their beds, I'm tapping away on my laptop down the hall from their rooms and from the outside looking in, I appear, alone. But I'm not. You're never alone if your children are within shouting distance - even when they are asleep. You're always waiting, listening, and waiting and listening and turning down the volume on the TV and listening harder and tiptoeing down the hall to take a peek because it sounded like someone got up, or coughed or talked or moved. From the moment that first head pops out of your hooha you're on Red Alert.
Recently when my three older kids were at school and my husband was home from work, he took our youngest to town with him because I had a meeting to go to, but they left about an hour and half before I had to. And as I saw his truck bounce down the driveway I realized - I'm home alone! There was no listening, hollering, checking to see who was where or what was happening. It was just me - I was what's happening and man was it was weird and amazing and a bit disorienting. I quickly calculated how much time I had... just over an hour - and then I proceeded to waste about 5 minutes trying to figure out what to do with my time. Then I spent another two minutes complaining to myself about wasting 5 minutes. But I was confused - what should I do? Do I clean, make myself lunch, do I watch trashy TV, where should I sit - all the furniture is available!! I was totally unprepared for being home alone -- and I pretty much squandered the most precious gift of the last 8 years.
I turned on trashy TV, made lunch and did my make up in the living room, but I felt alive! I could hear myself think. I got to eat all my lunch without anyone asking for some. It was amazing, but next time will be better - now I know to prepare. I've started a list in my Google Keep, so the next time I'm unexpectedly home alone I'll have a plan. Each minute will be used to the fullest and it will be mind-blowing.
Our youngest is 3.5 and in a couple years will be in school all day. Soon I'll be "home alone" everyday, which bodes well for my business, the tidiness of our house and my temperament. I asked my youngest what I will do all day when he's at school too - he said I would probably drink coffee, and he's 100% right. I'm sure the novelty of an empty house will wear off then and I'll be waiting at the door for the bus to come and the noise to re-enter the house each day, but for now I'm going to make sure I take advantage of every free second I get.
