Every year my New Year's resolutions have a similar theme, 2011: Simplify... 2012: Organize... 2013: Simplify (again, for real this time!!). But with a business and a pack of kids... things just can not really be simple, and it would take more brain/will/physical power than I possess to organize this giant casserole that is my life. So for 2014, I decided to get real, "Realistic" actually. I made it facebook official that my resolution this year is -- to be realistic.
Living in the boonies, and not really having another adult to converse with for most of the day gives you lots of time to think, observe and analyze your life. I ponder our casserole life in the shower, while trying to fall asleep, while being captain minivan on yet another adventure to Target. Metaphorically I consider things like does our life casserole have too many noodles? Should I have used rice? Does it need more liquid? Green beans or peas? or corn?! Cream of Mushroom or Cream of Chicken? There are so many variables and potential outcomes, it's mind boggling to the point of being a mental disorder -- "The Mental Disorganization Known as Motherhood" or MDKM.
For just one brief window, I'd like to have it all together. I'd love to sink into the couch with a glass of wine and say to myself "It's all done and practically perfectly! Bravo!"
Instead I curl into my couch corner with my planner and notepad and make lists and highlight things and circle things and trace things over and over. And when I've got a good stack of lists and a glass too much wine, I may accidently let them mingle and make baby lists. "Pack the suitcase" turns into a 6 person chart with checkboxes of clothing and personal hygiene items. "Grocery shop" turns into a full notebook page of planned meals and groceries needed organized by department and aisle (as best as I can remember). It sounds like I've really got it together, but making the list is the easy part. Remembering to bring it to the store... whole 'nother story. In fact, even when I do remember to use them, the drilled down lists just make a simple task like "Pack the suitcase" seem like climbing Mount Everest. A stubborn case of the MDKM.
As a mom your head has to be in the full "ON" position, all the time. You have to remember every school event and deadline, lunch money, nature club, homework, favorite shirt needed for favorite shirt day, that the kids need to drink Kool-Aid for dinner because there's only enough for breakfast cereal... why do we live 20 minutes from the nearest gas station?! And no matter how many lists or good intentions, you'll forget something -- why just today I walked my three oldest kids to the bus. The youngest is 4, the temperature was 9 degrees and snow with high winds was the forecast. Yet, he's waiting for the bus without a hat or scarf! (He had 2 pairs of mittens though!) Luckily he has a hood on his jacket and I gave him my scarf to wear -- but how did I not notice that until we were waiting for the bus? Probably because I spent the whole morning making sure everyone was dressed "Do you have socks?" "Do you have socks?" "Do you have socks" Socks. Check. Jake eat the crunch part of the Lucky Charms too! Luke drink your milk!! Layna where's your hairbrush... and what time is it --- we've got 5 minutes!! MDKM.
So "being realistic" seems like a resolution I can keep. Realistically one of the kids will not be dressed right for the weather. I may have to write the lunch money check while running my kids down the driveway (it's long!) for the bus. I might pack my son's sandwich in the Disney Princess sandwich keeper thing and I might not have a clean house, ever - not even for a tiny bit. But being realistic and admitting that makes me feel a little like I have my crap together, allowing me to accept my Mental Disorder Known as Motherhood diagnosis and treat it frequently with wine and snuggles from the kids and hubby. Realistically, 2014 should be just fine.
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